Finding Happiness In The Rain

There is a well-known trend in happiness research called the U-shaped curve. This curve tracks a person's relative happiness in early and late adulthood, with a measurable drop in middle age. This is significant for me, as I recently turned 41 and have been trying to come to terms with the next phase of life.

The experience of middle age is defined by overwhelming responsibility, which can feel like a loss of agency. If you have kids, they're likely at an age where organizing their activities and social life can feel like a full-time job. If your parents are still alive, they're likely entering a phase where their needs will become your responsibility to manage and support on some level.

You start to feel the aches in your body that ominously foreshadow what lies around the corner. You feel the dailiness of work and life responsibilities, as most people have made all the important decisions that will shape the rest of their lives. Little hiccups arrive that can topple your carefully cultivated energy and equilibrium.

I'm feeling all this, and I sometimes struggle to remember what it was like to feel excited about the future.

Amidst all this, there is one Zen quote I've been pondering:

If you can't feel happiness in the rain, you will have less happiness and precisely the same amount of rain.

There is a lot I can't change. There is a lot I have to surrender to. Living in Portland, I get a daily reminder of how much the rain (literal and figurative) can upend your experience. But the work is to still find happiness. Some days are better than others, but I hope to find a peace that isn't dependent on my external circumstances.